Darkwalker (2003)

Darkwalker is one of the films I own and review in order to give all of my other ratings some scale. This film is a slut. It captures the look and feel of a homemade video taped at some cheap haunted house perfectly, and that is the only thing it does well. Each of the characters are awful stereotypes, and the acting isnt even laughably bad.. More like "I literally paid everyone a dollar and just told them to act natural while I filmed them and tried to convince the lead actress I was going to make her a star.." The costume is a bland Jeepers Creepers rip-off with motionless features, and looks like some fan made it in their garage (looks like?). It is also quite apparent that the haunted house being used wasnt a set, but rather a real haunted house that was bastardized by someone that figured they could make a quick buck dribbling out some half-assed script so that they could use someone else's hard work as the setting for their film. My favorite part of the whole film is the orange slime that tries to pass as blood in the film. Ive never seen anything like it in all my years of watching horror, it is quite amazing. B-Movie extremists may be daring enough to take on this travesty, but even when I put it on expecting a laugh, I quickly begin questioning why I have nothing better to do in life. Fail. A haunted house attraction is plagued by a series of brutal murders after desecrating sacred land.

Rating: 2/10.
Entertainment: 3/10.

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  1. 2? Come on man, it's not Caitlin's favorite movie for nothing. At least a 1...