Thursday, July 9, 2009

The Witch's Mountain (1972)

To set the scene, I moved the TV into the kitchen, set a pot to boil on the right, and painted the wall on the left before starting The Witch's Mountain. Needless to say, watching the paint dry and water boil were far more entertaining. Let's cover the good first, since it is far easier. The film had two things going for it: the lead's AMAZING handle bar mustache, that is perhaps the greatest mustache to ever be committed to celluloid, and the beautiful settings. On to the bad, everything else. Stale acting, a pointless, confusing, and empty script, and minimal action or horror. A photographer with a sweet mustache takes pictures of some chick on the beach, so naturally she joins him on his assignment to take photos of a supposedly haunted mountain (??). They get there, nothing happens, then witches appear and kidnap them sort of, then they escape, then its over. Thats all you need to know except for dont watch it.

Rating: 3/10.
Gore: 0/10.
Nudity: -5/10 for setting up for it, then cutting away.



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3 comments:

  1. SOUNDS LIKE A POOP-TASTIC TIME...

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  2. I guess it puts "Witchery" in perspective. At least that film had David Hasselhoff and an old lady burning up like a candle.

    I wish I could say I was surprised at how bad it was. Most movies in those giant packs are either public domain films that everyone has (White Zombie, Dr. Caligari, etc) or utter crap that nobody would ever buy (Creeper, Night Train to Terror, etc).

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  3. I stand behind Night Train to Terror, that was awesome lol.. This one just has nothing to offer. Literally nothing happens, there is no suspense, theres no point where their is even POTENTIAL for suspense. Just boredom and increased boredom. Witchery at LEAST offers some gore and the man-god himself.

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