Thursday, October 15, 2009

Creepshow 3 (2007)

This was a joke. It had to have been. This was a joke that was played on the viewer. There is no way that acting can legitimately be this bad. I have at least 1,500 films behind me at this point, and I can say for a fact that no honest attempt has ever been this poor. There are times when I turned to my wife and asked if she was sure they sent us the right DVD. In this mockery of the original series, we have 4 or 5 more short stories that are each incoherent and annoying in their own rights. First, some dumb slut turns into a blob when her dad causes a rift in the fabric of reality using his TV remote. Next, a prick security guard is lead to millions in stolen cash by an anthropomorphic radio. Third, a different slut stabs a bunch of people then meets her match. After that, the old dude that made the remote gets his mail order bride dead because he's an inventor and his ex-students thought he made an android and tried to take her apart thinking it was a joke, but it turns out it wasn't and they killed her. That one is actually kinda bloody, however the amount of blood in it is inversely proportional to the quality of the acting and writing. Last (I think), some stupid ass shitty doctor is haunted by a bum he gave a bad hot dog to. Each of the above descriptions are accurate. I don't want to talk about this rapid-fire turd gun any more, so I will close with this: I hate this movie and I almost turned it off after 13m. The end.

Rating: 3/10.
Gore: 6/10.
Number of views: 1.



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13 comments:

  1. I think that may be the most angry review I've ever heard outta you, m'man!!

    I've been tempted by this a few times, since I loooove the first 2, natch, but... something has always stopped me from taking the plunge on part 3. Now I know better. Thanks, dude.

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  2. I dont mind watching shitty Horror movies, I really dont. But this isnt a case of "Well, at least we tried" or "Well, we had budgetary constraints". It was a case of "We hate Horror fans and somehow we got the rights to this series, so fuck it, we can do whatever the hell we want and people will rent and buy it based on the name alone. Hell, let's pour sand in their hair too, and when they go to sleep it will get in their bed, and that will be pretty annoying too."

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  3. I haven't seen this. For a couple reasons, I usually stay away from anything made after 1995 that uses the name of a well known horror and bills itself as a sequel. There are exceptions, but few. I don't see any redeeming qualities to this that would put it in the "exception" category, I'll skip it.

    Ty for the review!

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  4. I warned you, didn't I? But you just had to see it...

    In anger, you left out the worst part of it all. In the 'Making Of' part, the guy who played the inventor talked about how he thought that this one was 'the best written of them all.' I would alugh, but I hate him too much.

    Also, as I noted in my review, they really, really force the connective threads of the story in the last couple of ones. It felt like 'oh shit, we forgot to make them connect- let's just go overboard!'

    So yeah, 'screw you, Creepshow 3.'

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  5. Ohhhh I all sorts of didnt watch the special features, but I commend you for manning up lol.. What I dont get is how the cartoon in the beginning tied in to anything, or why they attempted to interlink any of the stories to begin with. The inventor guy was my favorite character, because I honestly believe that he thought he was doing an awesome job and the directors sure as hell werent going to be the ones to state otherwise. Hes the only one I feel bad for.

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  6. Man I never even bothered with this one. When I saw a bunch of nobodies where behind its production and it was going to go STDVD I was like "its most likely to suck" the horror fans response to it proved me right.

    Did it suck as much as that Day of the Dead remake? Or as much as Day of the Dead 2?

    They just used the name of the franchise to make a couple of quick bucks. Too bad. I would have loved a good sequel.

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  7. Refused to watch DAY OF THE DEAD 2, but I believe it was made by the same production company as CREEPSHOW 3. As for Steve Miner's DAY OF THE DEAD remake, meh, I didnt hate it, it was a solid D effort, but mounds ahead of this POS.

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  8. The 'Day of the Dead' poster is plastered behind the co-directors in their interview, right next to 'Creepshow 3.' The movie is so bad that they had to promote it on a DVD that already features the film!

    Honestly, I don't have a huge connection to the 'Dead' series. I just got into zombies movies late and did not get all that hyped. I finally saw "Dawn" as the European cut (for the Goblin soundtrack) and actually saw "Night" on the Rifftrax DVD.

    I may look into the crappy remakes, although I definitely have something planned in mind when it comes to the more official stuff. That was my teaser for the day.

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  9. It's funny- it's been about three months since I saw this movie and the second I thought about it, I got really pissed off again. That says something about its shitty nature.

    Now, looking back at it, I'm still more mad at this movie than at "Day of the Dead 2." At least that one was trying. It sucked ass on 1,000 different levels, but they tried.

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  10. I share your pain, I have seen it a few times when browsing through DVDs online and I grit my teeth and shake my fist in anger each time

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  11. a 3? wow, you're generous. i watched it on youtube finally when i was so bored i thought i would expire. it didn't help me.

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  12. A 3 in my book is still a pretty abysmal failure, it really only means that the audio was audible and that you could see what was going on on screen lol.. See Psycho Santa for the only 1 I have ever dished out!

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