Thursday, December 31, 2009

The Mummy Returns (2001)

The adventurers from the first film return to Egypt to stop the recently revived mummy Imhotep from destroying The Scorpion King of Egypt and thereby usurping his Army of Anubis, which he plans to use to destroy the world. Fail. A few choice words to describe the film: implausible, stupid, contrived, boring, over-budgeted, cartoony. This is one of my all-time least favorite films of all time. It is utterly ridiculous, and is the sickening side effect of giving an untalented director too much money and control. At least the first film introduced some genuinely impressive and ground-breaking FX, but in the three years between movies, it would appear that computer imaging got significantly worse. The plot twists in THE MUMMY RETURNS are unforgivable. By the time the film is over, there have been mummy warriors that can run and climb on walls, pint-sized mummy pygmies that stalk the team through a desert oasis, a half-scorpion half-The Rock final boss, a seemingly magical dirigible with rocket-powers, and a battle between an impossible number of Medji warriors and mummy Anubis warriors. Sure, all of these things seem stupid enough on their own, but when they are all sewn together in a single incoherent tapestry of shit it is just sad and irresponsible. Someone had to have known this was terrible. I fail to believe that the film passed through the hands of the writers, Sith Lord Stephen Sommers, the producers, and the Universal execs without anyone raising an eyebrow. I hadn't revisited the film since I wasted my allowance back in high school to see it in theaters, and with any luck I will never lower myself to watch it again. Dirigible. Who even thinks of including a dirigible in anything? Seriously? A dirigible. In 1930s Egypt. With rockets. That saves the day. Sure, make the argument that this is just supposed to be a "fun ride," and that I have no imagination and can't buy into the fantasy. In conclusion, I hate this film.

Rating: 5/10.
Entertainment: 4/10.
Number of views: 2.



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7 comments:

  1. "implausible, stupid, contrived, boring, over-budgeted, cartoony". Yep. I hate this one, too. Particularly that kid.

    JM

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  2. Thank you so much for visiting my blog in 2009
    Come back any time you're welcome!

    I also want to wish you beautiful and Happy New Year 2010 !
    abstraho

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  3. Yeah, this one put me off in a big way, too. Something about Evie really being Nefretiri, just kicks me right in the face. And yes, the kid is annoying.

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  4. I know why a lot of people 'hate' on this movie and I get it.

    That said, I don't like the movie nearly as much as the first film, but I don't hate it. It is silly, bizarre and uneven in tone at times, sure. I had fun with it though, which is all that it was asking me to do.

    The thing to understand about the movie is a little thing called 'sequel-itis.' That's when movies feel the need to ramp up everything up in order to show up the previous film. It happens a lot more than people realize.

    Honestly, if you think of it more as adventure, you're better off.

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  5. I think that is the most important thing to note with this one, it is definitely not Horror and falls under Adventure more than anything else, where spectacle is the name of the game. Sommers and Lucas must have bumped in to each other prior to the release of the prequels and shared notes on how to completely overdo every aspect of their films.

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  6. It's interesting that you said that, Carl. The, "completely overdo every aspect of their films" part. You couldn't be more spot on, and it reminded me of something I watched a few days ago. Ridiculously long, but funny and right in every way, review of the Phantom Menace. I figured you might get a kick out of it. :P

    http://www.slashfilm.com/2009/12/17/watch-this-70-minute-video-review-of-star-wars-the-phantom-menace/

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  7. Ohh theres nothing I love more than reviews breaking down The Phantom Menace, so I will be all over that one! Thnaks for the link LJ!

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