The adventurers from the first film return to Egypt to stop the recently revived mummy Imhotep from destroying The Scorpion King of Egypt and thereby usurping his Army of Anubis, which he plans to use to destroy the world. Fail. A few choice words to describe the film: implausible, stupid, contrived, boring, over-budgeted, cartoony. This is one of my all-time least favorite films of all time. It is utterly ridiculous, and is the sickening side effect of giving an untalented director too much money and control. At least the first film introduced some genuinely impressive and ground-breaking FX, but in the three years between movies, it would appear that computer imaging got significantly worse. The plot twists in THE MUMMY RETURNS are unforgivable. By the time the film is over, there have been mummy warriors that can run and climb on walls, pint-sized mummy pygmies that stalk the team through a desert oasis, a half-scorpion half-The Rock final boss, a seemingly magical dirigible with rocket-powers, and a battle between an impossible number of Medji warriors and mummy Anubis warriors. Sure, all of these things seem stupid enough on their own, but when they are all sewn together in a single incoherent tapestry of shit it is just sad and irresponsible. Someone had to have known this was terrible. I fail to believe that the film passed through the hands of the writers, Sith Lord Stephen Sommers, the producers, and the Universal execs without anyone raising an eyebrow. I hadn't revisited the film since I wasted my allowance back in high school to see it in theaters, and with any luck I will never lower myself to watch it again. Dirigible. Who even thinks of including a dirigible in anything? Seriously? A dirigible. In 1930s Egypt. With rockets. That saves the day. Sure, make the argument that this is just supposed to be a "fun ride," and that I have no imagination and can't buy into the fantasy. In conclusion, I hate this film.
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