Tuesday, December 29, 2009

The Ninja Dragon (1990)

An utterly ridiculous ninja gore spectacle that makes up for its terrible filmmaking in its absurd action and awful dubbing. The young daughter of a Yakuza leader is kidnapped by her father's rival, but thankfully she has been given the Dragon Bell which summons the Ninja Dragons, a trio of warriors with unmatched skill. Sort of. While this is an obvious play on the ninja and samurai films that were prevalent through the 70s and 80s, I wouldn't say it was a parody of them so much as a stupid, low-brow B-movie effort with no intention of being taken seriously. It combines elements of the ninja assassin movie with only the worst in low-budget horror, leading to only the most unconvincing disembowelments, decapitations, and head crushes imaginable. Even in its worst moments, it still manages to be entertaining though, thanks in part to the hilariously out of place dubbing and dialogue that takes the characters to the furthest exaggerated extremes. Horror fans: avoid. Ninja B-movie fans: do you exist?

Rating: 3/10.
Gore: 5/10.
Entertainment: 6/10.
Number of views: 1.

13 comments:

  1. Oh trust me, ninja b movie fans exist...I mean why do you think there were Four American Ninja films?

    By the way, I have American Ninja waiting to be watched at home, Im getting ready for a laugh fest!

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  2. There's also an AMERICAN NINJA 5 with the returning David Bradley and Pat Morita!

    NINJA DRAGON is another of those Joseph Lai/Godfrey Ho composite movies. They take some unreleased action movie and shoot new scenes featuring American/Brit/Aussie/French actors dressed up in "ninja" outfits. Many of these are hilarious to watch and others are a chore to sit through.

    There was another producer, Tomas Tang, who also did a slew of these composite movies which were even more laughably bad. Former peplum actor, Richard Harrison, is seen in a bunch of these. Save for those early Italian costume epics, Harrison seemed to be in a state of catatonia in most all his movies after that.

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  3. I havent seen the American Ninja series yet, but I know Mondo Bizarro is planning on covering them throughout the week! In all its terrible glory I cant pretend that I didnt have some fun with the pic, I have a soft spot for ninjas that preface every sentence with "Ninja"

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  4. I am all over this one! a B-Ninja flick? Hell yes! Plus, it's called The Ninja Dragon.

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  5. Ha! Too funny... just as you were musing if there were any b-movie ninja fans out there, I totally thought to myself "Venoms5 is the ninja/martial arts flick muthafuckin' MASTAH!!! He'd totally school you on this shit forwards and backwards!!!" And the *poof*, there's venoms5, beating me to it in the comment section, like I knew he would. ;)

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  6. Honestly when this one landed on my desk I thought to myself "FINALLY, I might be able to impress V with an obscure Asian cult flick he hasnt seen!" lol.. Schooled. Hella schooled.

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  8. Somehow my post paragraphs got mixed up, lol. Havin' to repost again...

    I am surprised though at the number of martial arts fans that like these composite hack job movies. They do provide lots of laughs for bad movie buffs. I've seen a few of them that are beyond bottom of the barrel shit fests. DEVIL'S DYNAMITE and NINJA THE VIOLENT SORCERER are two of the worst that come to mind.

    The former has a dime store Robocop superhero fighting Chinese vampires and the latter is a composite travesty involving gambling ninjas (with costumes too big for the actors) and the hopping Chinese undead. I think at least one of these is available on DVD.

    NINJA: AMERICAN WARRIOR is another one that must be seen to be believed.

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  9. I was crossing my fingers that NINJA DRAGON would transcend into the godly awesomeness that is RIKI OH, but it just never happened.. Im all for Robocop battling vampires and or gambling ninjas/undead, they should have composited them all together in to one superfilm

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  10. The "Robocop" is really bad. It's just a guy dressed up in a silver garbage bag with a helmet on his head. I think there might be some youtube clips of it. I remember the trailer was so stupid I just had to rent the tape back when it came out.

    NINJA VIOLENT SORCERER had a memorably terrible scene where Chiang Tao's head explodes. It looks like it was simply an inflated paper bag with a face painted on. When it "explodes", it's just pieces of paper (or confetti) flying everywhere. It boggles the mind how some of these things get the greenlight.

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  11. Carl and Venoms - - DEVIL'S DYNAMITE I actually own on a double feature with "ROBO-VAMPIRE". :) Funny thing is my gf and I were just talking about how I haven't watched that double feature yet, even though she picked it up as a cheap 'stocking stuffer' for me LAST Xmas!!! It's come up now 2x in my life today, which now means I have to bump it up on the watch-list, apparently. Maybe I'll do sort of a "Chinese New Year" theme real soon.

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  12. Well, there you go. I don't think I've seen ROBOVAMPIRE, lol. I thought I had read it had come out a year or two ago, though. Surely it's just a transfer of a VHS. I can't imagine anyone actually attempting to restore it.

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  13. That really is far too much of a coincidence. Far.

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