Saturday, December 26, 2009

Santa Claws (1996)

Literally unwatchable porn. While the boob-o-meter was off the charts, there isn't enough plot in this piece of crap to choke a camel. A wacked-out weirdo that's obsessed with a porn star uses the black-clad costume and gardening claw props from her last film to eliminate the other slutty porn stars and producer that are holding back her career. Ten shower scenes later, he buys a Santa costume, and the same mindless (and bloodless) killing goes on for another half hour or so until you can't take it any longer and turn the TV off. You couldn't ask for more cardboard characters and staged acting. I'm pretty sure I saw a girl reading off of a cue card at one point. The killer is such a wussy putz he single-handedly drains the film out of any of the possible fun that could be had. I know you have all seen BLACK CHRISTMAS and SILENT NIGHT, DEADLY NIGHT countless times, and you are probably curious to find another Christmas classic as I have been, but please, don't rent this garbage.

Rating: 2/10.
Gore: 2/10.
Number of views: 1.



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3 comments:

  1. Well, you can't say that I didn't warn you.

    It really is a shame that John A. Russo can't put any good movies out post-'Night of the Living Dead.' Hell, a writer not even associated with the series directly (Dan O'Bannon) made a good spin-off (Return of the Living Dead). This guy just made a sequel to HIS cut of the movie. It only take him a mere 33 years!

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  2. Yikes, isn't this the one that you wanted to have sent to you and they sent you "Santa Claus"? Probably better off watching the one they sent the first time. That's disappointing. I've never seen this one.......doubt I will be.

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  3. The SANTA CLAUS they sent me by mistake ended up paying off in spades over this one, it couldnt have been a better mistake!

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