Thursday, July 30, 2009

Leprechaun (1993)

By the early 90s, horror was well past dead. Freddy's one-liners had worn disastrously thin. Jason was a worm-demon-thing. Jaws was swimming in the warm waters of the Caribbean. With expectations and standards at an all-time low, it was the perfect time for dumb films ripe with self-parody to flood the theaters. Enter Leprechaun, a truly terrible B-movie turned over night success thanks to more lame puns and gratuitous gore. The first film finds a young but still annoying Jennifer Aniston and friends battling an evil leprechaun that has been unleashed to punish anyone daring enough to steal his gold. The make-up and FX combined with the strong performance by Warwick Davis are really the only memorable elements in an otherwise average slasher. All of the expected gags are present, including but not limited to a Lucky Charms cereal box. Whereas the later entries in the series at least bring more interesting characters and wittier quips, the audience is left with no one to side with but the leprechaun in this first film stocked with boring and aggravating players. Still, one cant help but snicker at many of the intentionally terrible jokes, and there is something undeniably entertaining about watching an ugly, pissed off leprechaun wreak havoc on unsuspecting teens. It is a low-brow staple in the slasher genre and cant be missed!

Rating: 7/10.
Entertainment: 8/10.
Gore: 7/10.



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Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Oasis of the Zombies (1982)

A young student heads out to the Sahara desert with a group of friends to recover the lost Nazi gold that his father died trying to find. Little do they know that a welcoming party of shitty ass looking zombies await them, ready to get sand in their underwear and blindly grope at them. The best thing about Oasis is the cover art found below. Well, that and the fact that there are zombie Nazis, which awesome in theory, but nearly unnoticeable in the film. Everything else ranges from terrible to terrible even for Eurotrash. I am always all for attempting horror films that take place predominantly in the daylight, but the problem is that it just isnt as scary as the horrors hidden in the dark. There is, however, one very memorable scene that effectively contrasts the black shadows of the zombies against a beautiful orange sunset, perfectly illustrates the title on screen. The zombie make-up itself is all pretty laughable, and though it has obviously been influenced by Fulci's Zombi 2, the undead look more in line with the goofy corpses in Burial Ground. Franco does what he does best, and churns out an craftsmanly, thoughtless cash-in reserved strictly for zombie completists.

Rating: 4/10.
Gore: 2/10. Thats about the same rating as I would give my wife making a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Seriously. C'mon. This is a zombie film.



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Jeepers Creepers 2 (2003)

Apparently, The Creepers interesting and awesome story just couldnt be told in a short hour and a half. Enter JC2, a film about a busload of stereotypes being picked off one by one by a flying fiend. Not to be outdone 40 years earlier by Night of the Living Dead and countless formulaic survival films, JC2 displays a rare case of originality in horror and moves the isolated outpost to a broken down bus. A god damned bus. While the audience is busy not caring about any of the cardboard characters, director Salva is busy trying to figure out how to patch up his sinking ship of a script (seeing as how his psychic character is now dead). Aha! One of the nameless cheerleaders has a telepathetic connection with Darry from the original, who conveniently drops plot hints to her throughout the film. Thankfully, Salva also realizes that the film is a joke, and allows The Creeper to morph into a Freddy-esque fool of sorts, using physical comedy in place of cheap one-liners. This makes for a few cheap laughs on top of more scattered gore that brings the film to a level just above unwatchable. The man behind the mask and the make-up artists are the only members of the cast and crew that deserve any credit in this trashy series; watch it then shelve it.

Rating: 7/10.
Gore: 7/10.



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Jeepers Creepers (2001)

AKA "Delayed Attack of the Mullet Monster." This film never knows what it wants to be and never has any direction at any point. It feels like an hour and a half of scribbled notes and incomplete ideas. Even the monster has no clue what it is. At some point, the director decides the film needs to be about 27% creepier, so he gives The Creeper a giant axe that is never seen again, then decides in the end that the creature still isnt creepy enough, so they randomly add wings and mandibles in a failed attempt to win back the fading audience. Since the film never finds a linear path, Salva thinks quick and introduces a psychic character at the half-way point to fill in the many plot holes. Problem solved. While the acting and the build in the first act make for an interesting set-up with believable characters, it doesnt take long before both elements are lost into the black hole of the script. Despite all my nay-saying, what can be said about the film is that it offers some genuinely frightening moments in addition to a fun and original new horror icon. For a few cheap thrills and scattered gore, its a stupid good time, but it aint winning any awards. A brother and sister are stalked by a murderous backwoods monster on their roadtrip home from college.

Rating: 7/10.
Gore: 7/10.



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TftC: Lower Berth (1990)

Tales from the Crypt S2Ep14

"Lower Berth"

Director: Kevin Yagher
Synopsis: A two-faced sideshow attraction falls in love with the newly acquired mummy.
Moral: Love knows no bounds..
Humor: 2/10.
Irony: 2/10.
Gore: 6/10.
Suspense: 8/10.
Technical: 8/10.

Rating: 9/10.

This is perhaps my single favorite and most memorable episode in the series. It has excellent make-up, a dank sideshow setting, and top rate acting.

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TftC: Korman's Kalamity (1990)

Tales from the Crypt S2Ep13

"Korman's Kalamity"

Director: Rowdy Harrington
Synopsis: A comic artist's creepy creations are coming to life, but the real monster is his jealous wife that is convinced he is having an affair..
Moral: The pen really is mightier than the sword.
Humor: 5/10.
Irony: 3/10.
Gore: 8/10.
Suspense: 7/10.
Technical: 7/10.

Rating: 8/10.

This episode is a fun FX heavy horror comedy that is also among the better episodes in the series!

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TftC: Fitting Punishment (1990)

Tales from the Crypt S2Ep12

"Fitting Punishment"

Director: Jack Sholder
Synopsis: The spirit of a young athlete comes back for revenge against the mortician uncle that sent him to an early grave.
Moral: In the funeral business, a penny saved is a penny urned..
Humor: 1/10.
Irony: 4/10.
Gore: 6/10.
Suspense: 7/10.
Technical: 7/10.

Rating: 7/10.

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TftC: Judy, Youre Not Yourself Today (1990)

Tales from the Crypt S2Ep11

"Judy, Youre Not Yourself Today"

Director: Randa Haines
Cameo: Carol Kane
Synopsis: An old haggardly Avon lady steals a clients body, and it is up to the young woman's gun crazed husband to save her and kill the witch. When the witch begins jumping back and forth between bodies, how will he be able to tell which is the witch?
Moral: If youre planning to have an out of body experience, make sure you have a body to come back to..
Humor: 8/10.
Irony: 5/10.
Gore: 3/10.
Suspense: 5/10.
Technical: 7/10.

Rating: 7/10.

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Monday, July 27, 2009

Popcorn (1991)

Popcorn is a film that is so 80s that it was made in the 90s. It walks a fine line between being a stupid cheesefest and being an awesome, campy throwback to cinema greats like William Castle. A group of film students attempt to raise money for their class by hosting a horror marathon with gimmicky films that use Aroma-rama, Shock-o-Vision, etc. Little do they know that a phantom fiend is hiding in the audience, using their gags to slay the audience and exact his horrible revenge! This is a true fan film, perfectly capturing the fun and excitement of the movie-going experience through its many nods to the genre, a goofy plot, and excellent make-up FX. While the acting, writing, and pretty tame deaths are all weaker points, it isnt a film to be taken seriously, and the audience is easily able to overlook its downfalls since it is entertaining from start to finish. The faux films within the film are perfectly executed phonies that are indistinguishable from true 50s classics, which is a feat that adds credibility to the filmmaker's abilities. Grab a group of friends, a bucket of popcorn, some Sour Patch Kids, and just sit back and enjoy this one for what it is. They just dont make films like this anymore!

Rating: 7/10.
Entertainment: 8/10.
Gore: 5/10.



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Sunday, July 26, 2009

Dont Go in the House (1980)

Here we have a pretty standard Exploitation flick that echoes films like Psycho, Driller Killer, and Maniac, though the latter two films probably were not influences on Dont since they were released within a year of each other. A psychotic mommas boy begins burning women alive in the basement of his domineering mothers house after her passing, then dresses the burnt corpses and keeps them in an upstairs bedroom to keep momma company. This one is a slow burn, but offers a steady character progression as the lead falls further into his own psychosis. For such a low budget feature, the special FX are actually quite good, with super-imposed fire that looks believable and creepy corpses. It also achieves several spooky moments between the lead and his deceased victims who haunt his thoughts and dreams. I was actually surprised with the level of professionalism behind the camera work, however the writing and plot both feel derivative of other more successful films. Though the pacing requires some patience, the payoff in the end is entirely worth the effort. I wouldnt rate this among the best of the Exploitation films I have seen, but it is worth a watch and will be received well by fans of the films mentioned above.

Rating: 7/10.
Gore: 7/10.



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Tenement: Game of Survival (1985)

A gang of druggies are arrested after having the cops called on them by the superintendent of the building they were squatting in. After being released by the cops, they return to seek revenge, taking the building floor by floor and killing anyone in their path! Now this is an awesome plot, and sets up for a shit ton of fun. The gang is comprised of a motley assortment of different baddies, with the ultimate bad-ass Chaco leading the pack. They each feel authentic and intimidating, but I would have preferred if Chaco had remained silent as a mysterious background character. The film is drenched in blood and gore, rightfully earning it an 'X' in its initial theatrical run on the Grindhouse circuit. While the premise, action, and gore in the film all make for a great Exploitation classic, one cant overlook the terrible filmmaking and acting that come with it. There are many over the top and cheesy performances (mostly from the tenants) mixed with a range of film goofs, sterile directing, and cardboard camera work that make the low budget all too apparent. The pacing is also hindered by uneven action and plotting that loses focus at many points throughout the film, taking several unnecessary sidetracks that only serve to distract the audience and pad the run time. This is definitely a film that could benefit from a remake with a more competent director behind the wheel, but it makes for a great watch and comes recommended!

Rating: 6/10.
Entertainment: 8/10.
Gore: 8/10.



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Friday, July 24, 2009

Carved (2007)

Carved is Japan's answer to The Candyman, focusing on an old urban legend of a slit-mouthed woman that kidnaps and kills children after asking them "Am I pretty?" It mixes elements of the slasher with a possession and ghost tale, but it doesnt succeed on any of those levels. The build in the beginning is actually very good, establishing the mythos of the ghost woman and having children disappear right off the bat. It quickly begins descending into a boring and uneven tale involving the ghost woman's son who has come to save the day and dispel the evil spirit forever. There is a little patchy gore, which is made all the more upsetting in that it happens to children, and the make-up appliances used for the slit-mouthed woman are actually quite good. The story here just fails, and the final conflict between the protagonists and the ghostly entity lacks logic and is acted very awkwardly. I found very little to like here outside of the premise, so I would have to give this one a big pass.

Rating: 6/10.
Gore: 5/10.



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A Snake of June (2002)

In true Tsukamoto fashion, A Snake of June pushes the limits of filmmaking and further explores the real of extreme sexuality previously scene in Tetsuo. A suicide hotline respondent is coaxed into giving in to her deepest sexual desires when one of her deranged callers blackmails her using voyeuristic photos taken of her. Her passionless husband is then thrust into the caller's twisted world when he discovers the plot and tries to intervene. The entire film is shot through a blue filter, which gives it a morose and depressing mood reflecting the repression felt by the lead character and the empty, soulless life of her husband, who obsessively cleans their sterile household rather than embracing his wife when they are home together. Each of the many sadomasichistic tortures that the lead finds herself in are awkward, uncomfortable, and exhilirating at the same time, since she secretly reveals hints of unbridled pleasure in her pain. Tsukamoto also taps into the theme of voyeurism in both the caller and the husband, exploring sexuality through the looking glass both metaphorically and visually. Though the film may not be for everyone, what cant be denied is the unique plot, the superior techniques used in the design and filming, and the constant feeling of unease achieved throughout its entirety. This is a unique film that is worth seeking out for fans of Eraserhead or Tetsuo: The Iron Man.

Rating: 8/10.



Special thanks to Shaun from The Late Late Show for the recommendation on this one!

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Thursday, July 23, 2009

TftC: The Ventriloquist's Dummy (1990)

Tales from the Crypt S2Ep10

"The Ventriloquist's Dummy"

Director: Richard Donner
Synopsis: An aspiring ventriloquist takes lessons from his childhood hero, but when he learns the secret behind his mentor's act, will he live to tell it?
Moral: It takes more than skill to succeed in show business..
Humor: 6/10.
Irony: 4/10.
Gore: 7/10.
Suspense: 8/10.
Technical: 8/10.

Rating: 8/10.

This is another favorite, anything with a creepy ventriloquist's dummy gets immediate points (except Dead Silence), but the creepy atmosphere and creepier FX make this an unforgettable entry!

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TftC: Four-Sided Triangle (1990)

Tales from the Crypt S2Ep9

"Four-Sided Triangle"

Director: Tom Holland
Cameos: Patricia Arquette.
Synopsis: A farm hand falls in love with a scarecrow after receiving a knock on the head from the farmer that is trying to plow her fields.
Moral: If you are going to plant your seed in the farm girl, dont let your wife do the gardening..
Humor: 2/10.
Irony: 7/10.
Gore: 5/10.
Suspense: 7/10.
Technical: 7/10.

Rating: 7/10.

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TftC: For Cryin' Out Loud (1990)

Tales from the Crypt S2Ep8

"For Cryin' Out Loud"

Director: Jeffrey Price
Cameos: Katey Sagal, Sam Kinison, Iggy Pop.
Synopsis: A concert promoter's conscience gets the best of him after he steals the donations from a concert to save the rainforest.
Moral: You are your own worst enemy.
Humor: 5/10.
Irony: 7/10.
Gore: 6/10.
Suspense: 6/10.
Technical: 8/10.

Rating: 7/10.

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TftC: The Sacrifice (1990)

Tales from the Crypt S2Ep7

"The Sacrifice"

Director: Richard Greenburg
Cameos: Michael Ironside.
Synopsis: An insurance salesman gets caught up in a murderous plot to win the wife of a millionaire.
Humor: 2/10.
Irony: 7/10.
Gore: 2/10.
Suspense: 6/10.
Technical: 8/10.

Rating: 8/10.

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TftC: The Thing from the Grave (1990)

Tales from the Crypt S2Ep6

"The Thing from the Grave"

Director: Fred Dekker (!!)
Cameos: Miguel Ferrer, Teri Hatcher.
Synopsis: An abusive modeling agent murders his fiancee's lover in a jealous rage, but a sacred vow brings his victim back from the dead for revenge!
Humor: 2/10.
Irony: 4/10.
Gore: 5/10.
Suspense: 6/10.
Technical: 7/10.
Wild Card - Teri Hatcher Hotness: 10/10.

Rating: 6/10.

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Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Friday the 13th (2009)

All right, watched the F13th remake for the second time. Impressions? I still feel this film took the series in the right direction. It offered fresh elements that were exciting and scary while still maintaining many of the classic conventions that made the original series stand out to begin with. Mears is absolutely terrifying as Jason, I love the look and feel of the character, and Nispel does a beautiful job of placing him in a moody, dank atmosphere that heightens the level of tension and suspense rather than relying only on gore. Many fans complained about some of the questionable plotting elements, and I do agree that it isnt the direction I would have taken, but I didnt feel that the kidnapping was enough to destroy the film. Another common complaint was that the teens were stereotypical and the dialogue was lame. C'mon, go back to any of the original films and find one where you cant say the same. I felt the acting and writing here was easily better than many other teen horror entries, even if it was cheesy at times. What I also really enjoyed was how much weight the weapons held, with Jason doing some serious damage to his victims. I hope I am not overly forgiving on this one, because I really enjoy it and cant wait to see where the series goes from here!

Rating: 8/10.
Gore: 7/10.



Now, borrowed from my original review, I want to take a moment to justify my opinion on the film in a mini-debate with myself:

"The teenagers were stupider and more annoying than ever!!1"

-I really felt the acting and choice of characters was far superior to a majority of the earlier films. Be honest, the acting has NEVER been great in any of the films in the series. Its either been bad or not as bad. Campy is the best word for the majority of the acting, with the acting in 1 and 2 obviously surpassing any of the later entries. The teens in this flick were smarter, wittier, and more realistic and relateable than most others.

"The film was abusive with the pot and sex, that was so stoopid!!1"

-Outside of the pot in the beginning and the bong, there really wasnt much screentime for paraphernalia. Yeah, there was drinking, but the drunk / high scenes actually reminded me almost exactly what it was like being back in college, and was much less over the top than the Jay character from Freddy Vs Jason. The sex was minimal as well in the large scope of things, and its a friggin F13th film, these are staple elements that many people are specifically going to see and have come to expect, they are a necessary ingredient.

"I hated that Jason ran!!1"

-I dont know how people manage to even say this. If you dont know that Jason runs in the early films go home.

"Jason was too smart, using tools and concealing evidence!!1"

-Yeah, cuz Jason didnt shoot someone through the eye with a harpoon gun in 3 and didnt fly to Alice's house to kill her in the opening scene of 2. He also didnt construct a house that was able to withstand years of weather in the woods in 2, he happened upon the shanty. It is debatable just how retarded Jason really is, we never get a definitive answer as to his intelligence level, so it is entirely foreseeable that his brain capacity could just be stunted to that of a young child. That doesnt mean he wouldnt be able to figure out things like driving, shooting, setting traps, etc. If we are willing to accept that hes been smart enough to survive in the woods for years, why is it so hard to accept that he was able to use tools to catch his food slash kill teens? I personally prefer a Jason that is more inventive and has some sense of purpose, the uber-retard that we have all come to love has had his day so let the film makers try something new.

"I hated how Jason looked!!1"

-Thats personal opinion, so its valid. Now go and make your own F13th and we will tell you what we think of your design.

"The deaths werent even that bloody / gory / original!!1"

-After reading this common complaint, I expected the film to be bloodless, which it was not. There was plenty of blood, but it didnt spurt in fountains like in FvJ. The kills were fun and the machete has never held so much force, with jason prying it out of people's skulls after sporking them in the face. There were plenty of homages made to the F13th series as well as Creature from the Black Lagoon, Silent Night Deadly Night, and others, which made the kills fun and nostalgic. I dont mind that the kills were toned down and I respect the fact that they didnt feel the need to create outlandish kills in order to top the previous films. The deaths were solid and within the realm of believability, something that cant be said for many slashers.

"The film wasnt even scary!!1"

-This entry was MUCH scarier and darker than any other F13th film. Jason has never been more intimidating, and Mear's take on the character was easily one of (if not) the best realizations in the series. It was unfortunate that many of the suprises were paired with cheap jump scares with music cues, but this is the first Friday film I have jumped in. Sue me.

"Jason held a friggin girl hostage, AND there was no strong survivor girl!!1"

-Touche, I personally didnt go for either of those decisions either, let alone the fact that the would be survivor girl played a minimal role in the overall film. This was a definite flaw for me that I cant rightfully justify or overlook. It just didnt fit with the series or the typical Slasher motife.

"If the original hadnt been made, this never would have been a classic!!1"

-True, it is a good slasher and very enjoyable, but it doesnt contribute anything new or different to the genre. If the original Friday the 13th was never released, I still feel this would be a solid slasher and would easily spawn a new series. The new film obviously couldnt stake the same legend status the original had since effects have come so far already and the formula is made standard.

So there you have it, like it or hate it. Im all for the remake, I thoroughly enjoyed it and cant wait to see what the new series brings.

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TftC: Three's a Crowd (1990)

Tales from the Crypt S2Ep5

"Three's a Crowd"

Director: David Burton Morris
Synopsis: A jealous husband suspects his wife of cheating with his long time rival on their honeymoon excursion to a cabin in the woods.
Moral: 'The more the merrier' doesnt apply on your honeymoon.
Humor: 1/10.
Irony: 5/10.
Gore: 4/10.
Suspense: 6/10.
Technical: 7/10.

Rating: 6/10.

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TftC: 'Til Death (1990)

Tales from the Crypt S2Ep4

"Til Death"

Director: Chris Walas
Synopsis: A real estate developer uses a voodoo potion to force a rich widow into falling in love with him so that he can abuse her fortune, but when the potion ends up killing her, he finds out what undying love truly means..
Moral: The deed to a woman's heart costs more than an arm and a leg
Humor: 2/10.
Irony: 7/10.
Gore: 8/10.
Suspense: 7/10.
Technical: 8/10.

Rating: 8/10.

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TftC: Cutting Cards (1990)

Tales from the Crypt S2Ep3

"Cutting Cards"

Director: Walter Hill
Cameos: Lance Henriksen, Kevin Tighe.
Synopsis: Two high-stakes gamblers get into a bloody game of chop poker to prove who is the bigger man.
Moral: If you are going to bet your fingers, you better have a good hand.
Humor: 3/10.
Irony: 2/10.
Gore: 6/10.
Suspense: 6/10.
Technical: 8/10.

Rating: 8/10.

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Tuesday, July 21, 2009

TftC: The Switch (1990)

Tales from the Crypt S2Ep2

"The Switch"

Director: Arnold Schwarzenegger
Cameos: William Hickey, Kelly Preston.
Synopsis: An elderly millionaire trades his fortune for a younger body to win the woman he loves.
Moral: Bulging biceps cant buy you love.
Humor: 6/10.
Irony: 9/10.
Gore: 3/10.
Suspense: 3/10.
Technical: 7/10.

Rating: 7/10.

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TftC: Dead Right (1990)

Tales from the Crypt S2Ep1

"Dead Right"

Director: Howard Deutch
Cameos: Demi Moore (GHOST), Jeffrey Tambor (ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT)
Synopsis: A golddigger marries a fat slob after a psychic promises her she will inherit his fortune after he quickly passes away, but what sick twist of fate will bring her the riches she desires?
Moral: Marrying for money never pays off in the end.
Humor: 7/10.
Irony: 8/10.
Gore: 6/10.
Suspense: 5/10.
Technical: 8/10.

Rating: 8/10.

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TftC: Collection Completed (1989)

Tales from the Crypt S1Ep6

"Collection Completed"

Director: Mary Lambert
Synopsis: A retiree must find a new hobby before his animal-loving wife drives him insane.
Moral: Hobbies arent always as healthy as they say.
Humor: 2/10.
Irony: 5/10.
Gore: 3/10.
Suspense: 4/10.
Technical: 6/10.

Rating: 6/10.

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Monday, July 20, 2009

Teeth (2007)

Teeth is a great idea in theory, offering a fun and original poke at chastity through a tongue-in-cheek horror tale, but the story would have been better served as a short film or anthology effort rather than being stretched out to a feature length. The story places Dawn, a religious advocate for chastity, up against boys with raging hormones, a scheming gynecologist, and her obsessive brother, each of whom are looking to defrock the poor virgin. As each of them come to find out, she has developed a deadly adaptation to ward against unwanted "strangers" in the form of a vagina filled with razor sharp teeth. It hits on all of the expected gags, and for that matter does them very well while delivering the gore, but the viewer feels like they have seen the movie without having watched it, anticipating each of the jokes and scenarios before they occur on screen. Jess Weixler plays an enjoyable lead, and creates the look and feel of a comic book character with her exaggerated features and expression. Her role adds to the cheeky script, which is light-hearted and fun, a nice change up in a film with a serious message that isnt forceful in its approach. There are elements that make this a unique, smart genre effort, but it just doesnt offer enough meat to reach its full potential. A good watch, worth a rent if nothing else!

Rating: 7/10.
Gore: 7/10.



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TftC: Lover Come Hack to Me (1989)

Tales from the Crypt S1Ep5

"Lover Come Hack to Me"

Director: Tom Holland
Synopsis: A con man and his rich newlywed wife head off to an abandoned mansion for their honeymoon, but his plan to dispatch his wife and make away with her fortune is spoiled when he is caught in the black widow's web..
Moral: There's no such thing as a perfect marriage..
Humor: 2/10.
Irony: 7/10.
Gore: 7/10.
Suspense: 6/10.
Technical: 7/10.

Rating: 7/10.

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TftC: Only Sin Deep (1989)

Tales from the Crypt S1Ep4

"Only Sin Deep"

Director: Howard Deutch
Synopsis: A call girl finds her way off of the street after selling her youth to a pawn broker for $10,000, but after her four month loan expires, she will go to any length to regain her lost beauty..
Moral: Beauty may only be skin deep, but ugly cuts right to the bone!
Humor: 2/10.
Irony: 8/10.
Gore: 3/10.
Suspense: 5/10.
Technical: 7/10.

Rating: 7/10.

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TftC: Dig That Cat... He's Real Gone (1989)

Tales from the Crypt S1Ep3

"Dig That Cat... He's Real Gone"

Director: Richard Donner
Cameos: Joe Pantoliano (MEMENTO), Robert Wuhl (BATMAN).
Synopsis: An experiment gives a homeless man extra lives like a cat, but his greedy attempt to exploit his new power ends in an ironic twist of fate!
Moral: Dont count your lives before they hatch..
Humor: 4/10.
Irony: 7/10.
Gore: 4/10.
Suspense: 6/10.
Technical: 7/10.

Rating: 7/10.

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TftC: And All Through the House (1989)

Tales from the Crypt S1Ep2:

"And All Through the House"

Director: Robert Zemeckis
Synopsis: A woman is stalked by a killer Santa after murdering her husband, but her failed attempt at dismantling the psycho and framing him for her husbands death ends in a Christmas surprise she wont soon forget!
Moral: Santa knows whos been naughty or nice, but hes got more than just coal for naughty little girls..
Humor: 5/10.
Irony: 7/10.
Gore: 6/10.
Suspense: 8/10.
Technical: 9/10.

Rating: 8/10.

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TftC: The Man Who Was Death (1989)

Tales from the Crypt S1Ep1:

"The Man Who Was Death"

Director: Kevin Yagher
Synopsis: An ex-executioner exacts vigilante vengeance on murders who escape conviction in court using his own brand of electric justice!
Moral: Anyone who takes the law into their own hands is in for a shock!
Humor: 4/10.
Irony: 8/10.
Gore: 2/10.
Suspense: 7/10.
Technical: 8/10.

Rating: 8/10. Read The Full Post HERE!

Sunday, July 19, 2009

House of Whipcord (1975)

I consider this film to be Pete Walker's crowning achievement. It sets a beautifully dark and demented mood in a cold, ancient, and run down manor that now serves as a reformatory for social deviance. Its too bad none of the women admitted to the prison will ever get the chance to use their new skills.. A French model is tricked into entering the facility, only to find that the wards have twisted the prison's moral standards into offenses punishable by torture and death! Unlike Frightmare and other Walker classics, Whipcord implores very little on screen gore, relying more on the atmosphere, performances, and implied violence to generate tension and suspense. The audience quickly sides with the accused "harlots," empathizing with their situation while relating to their minor indiscretions and opposing the iron fist of social constraint that is forcing itself upon them. While most of the aspects of the actual filmmaking are very good, the acting and dialogue range from good to a bit hammy, but nothing in the film feels out of place and even the cheesier performances are right at home. I highly recommend this one, it is a lot of fun and makes for an great late night Exploitation flick!

Rating: 8/10.



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Calvaire (2004)

Calvaire is a different breed of French horror that steps aside from the recent rash of torture porn and excessive gore and offers a classic thriller that pays homage to many of the icons in horror without ever feeling pretentious or insincere in its efforts. Fans will find nods to Psycho, Texas Chainsaw Massacre, and others plainly depicted on screen, and while the shots are integrated seamlessly into the film, it does take away from some of the originality. A singer breaks down in the back country of France, and finds refuge in a dilapidated hotel run by a strange comedian who offers to fix his vehicle. The small town seems to be hiding big secrets, as the lead comes to find out when he discovers his van in ruins and is kidnapped and tortured by the delusional Bartel. What the film does offer is a sick and twisted assortment of strange backwoods characters that have been (presumably) warped by their isolation, inbreeding, and sexual deviance. There are several unsettling scenes that just set an ominous and paranoid mood. The framing, color palette, and minimalist score also create an intimate relationship between the viewer and the events taking place, thrusting the audience into each scene in an uncomfortably close setting. While there are aspects of the filmmaking I did enjoy, I found the plot to be otherwise redundant and lacking much originality. It does a good job of borrowing ideas and hashing them together, but does not create its own individuality. All in all, a solid B rating and worth checking out if you get the chance!

Rating: 8/10.



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Who's Who in Horror: Treat Williams


With an unmistakable smirk and smarmy attitude, Richard Treat Williams has established himself on the stage and screen as a unique and recognizable performer. Born December 1st, 1951, Williams began his career in small theater performances through Franklin and Marshall College, Pennsylvania, after which he graduated into larger roles as John Travolta's understudy in the Broadway musical Grease. After landing his first supporting role in the film DEADLY HERO (1976), he returned to his roots in theater, this time earning the lead role of Danny Zuko for himself. It was this starring performance that truly opened the doors to his future career in film, directly resulting in his casting in the hit screen adaptation of the musical HAIR (1979).

Since the start of his career, Williams has worked along side such names as Steven Spielberg, Robert De Niro, and Harrison Ford, but he is most memorable to Horror fans for his lead in the zombie Comedy DEAD HEAT (1988). DEAD HEAT finds two struggling cops fighting an army of undead bank robbers in a sinister plot to take over the world, which is only made all the more complicated when Roger Mortis (Williams) is resurrected as a vengeful zombie after falling in action. This wacky twist on the buddy cop scenario that was prevalent in the 80s was welcomed by a decent reception, grossing approx $1.67M opening weekend. Though it was received with less than stellar reviews critically, the film continues to have a shelf life due to its goofy, lighthearted nature and heavy use of special make-up effects.

1988 was a big year for Williams, as he top-lined four feature films, often playing the same sharp, cynical role used in DEAD HEAT. In his fourth Italian venture NIGHT OF THE SHARKS (1988), Williams plays a vengeful shark hunter out to bring down the crime syndicate that killed his brother. With an uneven blend of Action, Crime Drama, and very little Horror, the film did not receive much recognition when sold overseas, though it has been brought back to life for Williams fans through DVD.

Williams would then go on to do extensive television work, both on screen as well as behind the camera voicing numerous animated series. In what may be his crowning achievement in Horror, Treat was offered the opportunity to top an episode of HBO's hit series Tales from the Crypt, in an episode entitled "None but the Lonely Heart" (1992). Here, he was able to explore a much darker, more brooding side of his personality. The character called for an emotionless con that would seduce rich widows through his charming personality, then off them once they had signed over their fortunes. Williams easily wins over each of his victims as well as the audience with a stunning performance that plays a duality between the endearing lover and merciless killer. The episode is regarded by many to be among the very best in the series, and is easily an example of Williams finest work.

Following another continued stint in television, Williams returned to the realm of Sci-Fi and Horror in 1998's DEEP RISING, after starring alongside Harrison Ford in the Suspense / Thriller THE DEVIL'S OWN (1997). DEEP RISING is throwback to the classic giant monster movies where a shifty hijacker and his crew must face off with a killer squid-like creature on the luxury liner they intended to rob. For Williams, it is a return to form recalling his previous performance in DEAD HEAT. Though commonly overlooked by genre fans and critics alike, DEEP RISING implores a great deal of gory practical and visual effects, and contributes better than average performances by the remaining cast. One critic that the film did not escape, however, was Roger Ebert, who places this "ALIEN clone with a fresh paint job" at the top of his most hated films list.

From here, Williams was considered for several Suspense / Thrillers and additional work in television, with notable performances in THE SUBSTITUTE film series. His next venture into the genre would be under the wing of notorious director Fred Olen Ray, best known for his micro-budget B-Movies like HOLLYWOOD CHAINSAW HOOKERS (1988) or SCALPS (1983). The two had collaborated previously on CRITICAL MASS (2000), but Ray now tapped Williams as a medical examiner pitted against a den of deadly mutant rattlesnakes in the straight-to-video entry VENOMOUS. The film, though rife with cheesy dialogue and acting, has been well-received by genre fans, and marks another noteworthy performance by Williams that is stripped of his usual wit and charm in place of a serious and commanding lead.

In most recent years, Williams has taken the role of the surgeon in two separate medical dramas throughout the early- to late-2000s: Everwood (2002) and Heartland (2007). His heart-felt performances were critcally-acclaimed, earning him nominations in both 2003 and 2004 by the Screen Actors Guild under the category of "Outstanding Performance by a Male Actor in a Drama Series."

Whether Treat is showing off his vocal range on stage, offering patients the chance for a renewed life in his medical dramas, or battling the forces of evil in one of his many genre entries, he has certainly left his mark on the entertainment world.


-Carl Manes

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Friday, July 17, 2009

Lady Vengeance (2005)

A woman is wrongly imprisoned for the death of a young boy, seeking revenge against the man responsible for the murder after her release 13yrs later. Once again, Park dramatically changes both his visual style and plot arrangement from the previous two entries in his Vengeance trilogy. Lady Vengeance is told through a non-linear format, frequently jumping back and forth in time developing the lead character and introducing her accomplices. It becomes disorienting at times trying to keep track of what becomes 10-15 players in the plot against the killer, and by the time the final attack on the antagonist is revealed, the long and overly complicated build feels unnecessary considering just how simple her final plan really is. Geum-ja's character is also very hard to relate to, as she is never truly presented in a positive light and rather serves as a spiteful anti-hero. It is nice to see a few returning actors from the two previous films in new roles, including Min-Sik Choi of Old Boy fame as the antagonist. As expected, the filming, acting, and dialogue are all superb, and the film does recapture the cynical wit and dark tones common to the series, but overall Lady Vengeance felt lacking as compared to the other two films. Fans of the series cant miss this one, but removed from the other two films, this one just feels like an OK revenge flick.

Rating: 8/10.
Entertainment: 7/10.



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Troll 2 (1990)

Troll 2 is one of the single greatest films ever made, in that it is pure, unadulterated filmmaking with absolutely no discernment for acting, dialogue, plot, logic, or any of the other bothersome ingredients that normally plague a director. There are limitless examples of just how awesome this film is, but I have such a huge love for the film that I hate ever spoiling any of the fun for anyone else. Every viewer needs to go into this one with absolutely no warning. If you can only imagine the worst spoken dialogue imaginable, played out like a terrible high school play using only the very worst costumes conceivable. Now, the first question ever one asks is "Isnt this a continuation of the first Troll?" No. Not even close. In an expected twist of fate, the Italians jumped on the Troll title and churned out this direct to VHS travesty, when in fact there arent even any trolls in the film (as they are referred to as goblins). I want so desperately to plaster the review with favorite moments, but just do yourself a favor and watch the film, or if youve seen it, get out a warm glass of Nilbog milk and watch it again until it cures your hunger pangs. This is one of the most entertaining films ever made, and MUST be seen to believe. A family from the city switches homes with a family from a small rural community, only to find out that the city is inhabited by evil goblins bent on vegetarian lifestyles.. of DOOM!!

Since I refuse to post any clips of the film, here is an equally awesome music video in homage to the best worst film ever made:



Rating: 2/10.
Entertainment: 10/10.
Gore: 5/10.



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Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Troll (1986)

Troll is a quintessential 80s Fantasy Horror offering made during the height of Full Moon's success. It is entirely free from constraint, and dares to be silly, stupid, and cheesy. Horror fans will be surprised to see early cameos of Sonny Bono and Julia Louise-Dreyfus turned into furry woodland creatures as an insidious troll begins transforming an apartment building and each of its tenants into a magical forest. It is up to the young Harry Potter (??) to team up with a friendly witch to save his sister and the world! The costumes and creatures range from cute to horribly misshapen and unconvincing rubber puppets, but regardless there are plenty of funny and unique beasties. The monsters also perform one of the most memorable music numbers in the genre, which has to be seen to believe. There are several genuinely hilarious moments to be found in the campy over the top acting, maintaining the light and innocent mood. The special FX are actually quite good for such a low budget film, with intricate stop-motion work and transformation sequences. Any B-Movie fans will have a blast with this one, what it lacks in scares it more than makes up for in entertainment!

Rating: 7/10.



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Sunday, July 12, 2009

Shutter (2005)

While the US remake of this this film ranks among the worst of the recent plague of unoriginal cash-ins, the Thai original offers some truly frightening moments and creepy atmosphere. It is clear from the start that the film has drawn heavily from other Asian influences like Ju-On and The Eye, but it does manage to differentiate itself enough to stand out without coming off as a direct rip-off (I'm looking at you, Ju-Rei..). The minimalist score that is common in Asian horror has the same chilling effect in Shutter, heightening the tension as the characters cautiously investigate silent rooms and corridors. I also bought into the characters with greater ease than in the remake, which I question because I always fear the language barrier makes it easier for me to suspend disbelief. The best I can describe my issue with the remake is that the acting feels much more staged and scripted. The visuals and make-up are also very unsettling, but the film doesnt not rely on surprise alone. It offers many scary scenes set by clever light play and sharp editing. Though the film lacks some originality and is derivative of the entire Asian ghost horror trend, I enjoyed it and recommend checking it out. A photographer and his girlfriend are haunted by a vengeful spirit that begins appearing in his photos after they mistakenly hit and kill a pedestrian with their car, then flee the scene.

Rating: 8/10.



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Rogue (2008)

AKA "Croctease." See, thats funny because its a play on words, and funnier because I pointed it out. Anyone watching this flick will easily be confused, since it is an immense bore, yet each of the reviews preceding its domestic release would lead you to believe that this was the defining giant crocodile movie. Wrong. Greg McLean succeeds once again in portraying the Australian landscape in the most picturesque ways possible, with gorgeous cinematography and framing. Its too bad the film is supposed to be about a giant croc, because landscape is all you get for nearly half the film. None of the characters particularly stand out in this one, though the lead clearly distinguishes himself early in the film, destroying any suspense on that angle. So essentially, you have standard characters making bad business decisions in on a remote river with little to no gore and only glimpses of our CG croc until the end. Once we get the final reveal, the animal is no more impressive than in similar films like the superior Primeval. What annoys me more than anything in a film of this nature is taking so much time in attempting to establish the integrity of the film by placing the characters in a believable setting, only to include a ridiculous over the top ending that lacks any semblance of reality. I wanted desperately to find merit in this film, but for my money it is an average giant animal flick with no payoff. A river tour meets with disaster when crossing into a giant crocodile's territory.

Rating: 7/10.
Gore: 4/10.



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Sisters of Death (1977)

Weak revenge flick where a sorority prank goes horribly wrong, ending in the death of one of the girls. Flash forward ten years, and each of the other sisters are summoned to a remote villa with the promise of being awarded a bunch of money, only to be killed off one by one by a vengeful assailant. If the film were an ice cream flavor, it would be Vanilla. Not even the exotic French Vanilla, or one of those crazy Ben and Jerry's flavors. Every aspect of filmmaking lacks originality and flair, making it a bore to the senses and leaving the film to rely on the bland acting to carry the audience to its uneventful end. Pass on this one, it deserves to rot in Public Domain hell.

Rating: 4/10.



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Thursday, July 9, 2009

The Witch's Mountain (1972)

To set the scene, I moved the TV into the kitchen, set a pot to boil on the right, and painted the wall on the left before starting The Witch's Mountain. Needless to say, watching the paint dry and water boil were far more entertaining. Let's cover the good first, since it is far easier. The film had two things going for it: the lead's AMAZING handle bar mustache, that is perhaps the greatest mustache to ever be committed to celluloid, and the beautiful settings. On to the bad, everything else. Stale acting, a pointless, confusing, and empty script, and minimal action or horror. A photographer with a sweet mustache takes pictures of some chick on the beach, so naturally she joins him on his assignment to take photos of a supposedly haunted mountain (??). They get there, nothing happens, then witches appear and kidnap them sort of, then they escape, then its over. Thats all you need to know except for dont watch it.

Rating: 3/10.
Gore: 0/10.
Nudity: -5/10 for setting up for it, then cutting away.



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Repulsion (1965)

Roman Polanski offers a top-rate character study in this classic black and white thriller. Catherine Deneuve plays a beautiful but reclusive young stylist whose calm demeanor begins to crack after she is left home alone for the weekend when her sister leaves on vacation. Her deepening psychosis leads to delusions, paranoia, and murder.. Polanski uses an array of visual devices to depict Carole's fading grip on reality, including visual metaphors like cracked cement or walls, as well as progressively removing more and more light from the film, leading the audience into the dark hole that Carole finds herself in. The film also implores a minimalist score, and the lack of music throughout the majority of the picture makes for a haunting emptiness that we share with the protagonist. Much of the success of the film can also be attributed to Deneuve's superior performance, which draws you in immediately in her charming innocence then continues to captivate the audience in her frighteningly convincing deranged state. Added to that are a heightened level of sexual tension and breaking of societal taboos that were far ahead of their time. This is an important film, and must be seen by all horror fans.

Rating: 9/10.



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Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Blue Eyes of the Broken Doll (1973)

In another unique entry in Paul Naschy's expansive body of work, this film explores the black gloved killer motif of the Italian Giallo with a strictly Spanish flair. Naschy plays a drifter that is taken in by three sultry sisters when the lifeless bodies of several beautiful women begin turning up minus one defining characteristic: their blue eyes. As in most other 70s Spanish horror entries, there is nudity of the most gratuitous nature and some sweet blood and gore. On top of several slit throats and axes to the neck, there are easily four or five pairs of eyeballs that are generously donated to the killer. There is also a surprising series of twists played out in the final third that cant be commented on without major spoilage. Now, I had previously commented on how I felt that Naschys most proficient films were the ones he directed, and to some extent this still holds. Aured (who also directed Horror Rises From the Tomb and Curse of the Devil) does an ok job here, but lacks the conceptual design and visual flair that Naschy instills through his superior atmosphere and camera work. The film would have benefited from a more personal touch that didnt feel as dry and craftsmanly. With decent acting and Naschy at his manliest, Blue Eyes makes for an entertaining watch that comes recommended to Giallo and Naschy fans alike.

Rating: 7/10.
Gore: 7/10.



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Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Snowbeast (1977)

Snowbeast is about a Wampa from Star Wars running around a ski resort and terrorizing slash eating the skiers. It is up to the manager, sheriff, and an ex-Olympian (??) to stop the beast before he ruins the annual ski fair! So, basically, this mediocre sleeper is an exact clone of Jaws.. No wait, Grizzly.. No wait, EVERYTHING. The beast is only shown in quick glimpses or as a disembodied arm bursting through windows, which I cant count against it, but each time a character faces impending doom, the screen pauses and fades to red as we saw in the edited version of Vault of Horror. The costume of the beast itself isnt bad by any means, I mean it is what it is, just a giant hairy Bigfoot. As for the acting and production, neither are particularly bad, though they perfectly embody the look and feel of the made for TV horror that ran rampant in the 70s ad early 80s. The biggest problem here is the dreadful pacing that completely detracts from the plot, with at least a third of the film being filled with either the characters or the monster roaming around in the snow. Snowbeast isnt a complete waste for Bigfoot and creature fans, but it walks well-tread ground and wont be appealing to most genre fanatics.

Rating: 5/10.
Gore: 0/10.



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The House on Sorority Row (1983)

House has quickly become one of my favorite single-serving Slashers. It follows the basic conventions set by its predecessors, while distinguishing itself in its slow but steady build and intricately woven suspense. Unlike many of the Slashers before it, House does not open with a murder to kick the film off; in fact, the first murder by the killer doesnt occur for more than a third of the movie. It also offers classier murders, with many of them being implied off-camera through shadow play or being shown with a cutaway immediately after impact. These elements reflect the classic Terror Train more so than FX-heavy Slashers like Friday the 13th, meaning that the film has to take the time in further developing its characters in order to give their deaths more impact since they will not necessarily be spectacular. Outside of the foreshadowing in the opening scene, the audience is left guessing as to who the killer may be long into the film, with several red herrings successfully implored to maintain the mystery and suspense. The 30+yr olds hired on as teens are no better or worse than the average Slasher fare in terms of acting, with the exception of Kate McNeil, who offers a very strong performance as the final girl. There is plenty to like here, fans of Black Christmas and Terror Train will find this one particularly enjoyable and I highly recommend seeking it out! A sorority prank goes horribly wrong, ending in an accidental murder. After hiding the body, the seven sorority sisters responsible begin dropping off at the hands of a mysterious killer, only to find out that the body of their house mother has disappeared!

Rating: 8/10.



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Monday, July 6, 2009

976-EVIL (1988)

The best word I can find that accurately describes 976-EVIL is that it is very "1988-y" in that it never takes itself serious in the least, and falls back on cheap gags and cheaper puns as it walks the fine line of mediocrity. There is only one thing that makes this film work, and his name is Stephen Geoffreys. After being type-cast in the role of Evil Ed from the 80s classic Fright Night, Robert Englund sure wasted no time in securing Geoffreys for the quirky lead in his directorial debut. Without him, the film would have likely disappeared off the radar, but its almost impossible not to enjoy Geoffreys many incarnations of the geeky misfit teen hellbent on revenge. The make-up and FX are ok.. I guess.. but there is nothing that stands out besides some terrible blue screening towards the end. As for the plot, it is an extremely expected and conventional revenge bore in the vein of Evilspeak, sprinkled with a few uninteresting deaths. For a nostalgic trip down 80s Lane, it is good for a laugh, but this one is definitely a renter. A social outcast is given the power to exact his revenge by the evil powers lurking behind a horoscope phone service.

Rating: 6/10.



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Toolbox Murders (2004)

In defense of this remake, there are many pre-qualifying factors that validate a second attempt on this film. The Toolbox Murders was an iconic Exploitation flick, but had fallen into obscurity for many of the younger genre fans. It is also likely to disappoint gorehounds strictly seeking an hour and a half of bloody glory. Toolbox Murders '04 successfully takes the same basic premise of a masked killer offing tenants in a dilapidated apartment complex using tools of the trade, but changes the direction the film takes after the opening violence. The kidnap and torture theme is replaced with an alchemy tie-in that very much reflects some of the plot elements in Argento's Inferno. This one also plays out more like a conventional Slasher with an increased body count and gore, though the murders slow towards the middle of the film. This works for and against it, since the brutal deaths are appreciated given the title, but they also give the film more of a conventional Slasher feel that makes it pretty much indistinguishable from most other films. Tobe Hooper also keeps the film visually engaging in his framing, excellent use of the location, and frequent character interactions, making this small film feel like it is much larger and more involved. I enjoy Toolbox Murders, and the deaths are a lot of fun, but it is pretty middle of the road and doesnt offer anything new. Still worth checking out!

Rating: 7/10.
Gore: 6/10.



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Sunday, July 5, 2009

The Toolbox Murders (1978)

The first time I watched Toolbox Murders, I was extremely let down by the lack of action after the first half hour. Repeated viewings allowed for a much greater appreciation of the film based on the strange and twisted character progressions later in the film. At the start, the film wreaks of awesome grindhouse grit and grime, with plenty of nudity and several gruesome deaths care of our trusty friends Mr. Hammer and Uncle Nail Gun. I also love how poorly the killer is masked, leaving absolutely no mystery as to his identity. After an initial murder spree, one of the tenants of the unfortunate apartment complex is kidnapped by her would-be assailant and held captive as he plays out delusions that she is his deceased daughter. It is at this point that the tone completely shifts away from the standard slasher and takes on more of its psychological horror aspects that reflect Psycho or Dementia 13 over body count films like Bay of Blood. There are points where the scale and budget are completely evident in the filmmaking, but overall the acting and production are better than they probably should be, with Cameron Mitchell putting in a quirky but entertaining lead. I recommend checking it out, I really enjoy it!

Rating: 7/10.
Entertainment: 8/10.
Gore: 6/10.



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Bats (1999)

If Bats hadnt been taken so seriously, it could have been much more fun a la Eight Legged Freaks. Unfortunately, its modernized B-movie plot lacks two things: tongue and cheek. The film pits a small town sheriff and a bat-ologist against an infected breed of crazy-ass killer bats that threaten to spread across the country in a blood-thirsty epidemic. In a film like this, practical FX would pretty much be out of the question, so the use of CG is entirely expected. The CG isnt terrible, but there are some issues with the lighting and rendering that causes the bats to stick out and appear cartoony at times. When there are close-up shots that require rubber bats, the puppets are extremely stylized and look nothing like real bats, much to the same extent that Jaws looked nothing like an actual Great White. The acting and dialogue are both pretty standard, though you could likely watch the film on mute and get the same effect. What did throw me off was the characters lack of individuality, with many of them speaking in the same cadences (the best example being several characters ending their sentences with "..Period."). While the film isnt the worst by any means, it is all pretty conventional, and doesnt offer much to the average fan.

Rating: 6/10.

Special thanks to Frog Queen from Frog on the Pumpkin for the donation!



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Saturday, July 4, 2009

Darkwalker (2003)

Darkwalker is one of the films I own and review in order to give all of my other ratings some scale. This film is a slut. It captures the look and feel of a homemade video taped at some cheap haunted house perfectly, and that is the only thing it does well. Each of the characters are awful stereotypes, and the acting isnt even laughably bad.. More like "I literally paid everyone a dollar and just told them to act natural while I filmed them and tried to convince the lead actress I was going to make her a star.." The costume is a bland Jeepers Creepers rip-off with motionless features, and looks like some fan made it in their garage (looks like?). It is also quite apparent that the haunted house being used wasnt a set, but rather a real haunted house that was bastardized by someone that figured they could make a quick buck dribbling out some half-assed script so that they could use someone else's hard work as the setting for their film. My favorite part of the whole film is the orange slime that tries to pass as blood in the film. Ive never seen anything like it in all my years of watching horror, it is quite amazing. B-Movie extremists may be daring enough to take on this travesty, but even when I put it on expecting a laugh, I quickly begin questioning why I have nothing better to do in life. Fail. A haunted house attraction is plagued by a series of brutal murders after desecrating sacred land.

Rating: 2/10.
Entertainment: 3/10.



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