What do you want me to say, really? Here, this is my official review:
5:00 This is the quietest film I have ever seen. I can't hear a god damned thing they are saying.
30:00 In a normal film, the premise would have been established by now. The premise here: WTF. I have no idea what is going on, yet I'm oddly interested.
40:00 I had a friend who always ranted about how amazing BLUE VELVET and LOST HIGHWAY were. He also listened to very artsy Emo girly bands and told me I just "Wouldn't understand the music." He wore box glasses without lenses. I wear glasses to see.
42:00 Some sort of nightmare? A personal hell perhaps?
45:00 How am I supposed to review this..
46:00 Random acts of Henry Rollins!!
53:00 Make me feel or think, David.. My brain can only get so confused before it turns off.
54:00 Cool. Great. New set of characters entirely. Seemingly unrelated. Good point to restart the film at 54m. Gary Busey!!
59:00 Unnecessary Richard Pryorsploitation!!
1:01:00 The widescreen button on my remote should have been called the "Make Your Movie Look Like Shit" button.
1:03:00 Quote of the Day: "Smooth as shit from a duck's ass."
1:05:00 Road rage. The only good scene in this entire film.
1:10:00 The serious lack of Dennis Hopper has not gone unnoticed.
1:16:00 Also, can't help but notice a lack of highways. Plenty of lost, no highway.
1:23:00 No longer invested in this film. See also: furious, sad.
1:31:00 Watching LOST HIGHWAY is like letting your grandpa tell you about the good old days, where none of the stories have a point, a beginning, or an end.
1:44:00 That's why I was never allowed to roughhouse near the furniture.
1:50:00 Success! A highway slash possible metaphor!
1:54:00 Sex has officially been made boring.
1:56:00 Mental note: look up "pretentious" and "self-indulgent" when this is over.
1:57:00 O RLY? Welcome back, Bill Pullman.
2:00:00 Who makes a movie that's over 2hrs to begin with? The only logic in this film is arguably dream logic, if this were only a dream..
2:07:00 Oh yeah, that wraps everything up nicely. Thanks. Everything now makes sense and came together perfectly. FALSE.
There's nothing I can say to adequately describe the film, except that it is Lynchian. At no point does it border on coherence, it is far from entertaining, and it never strives to achieve any emotion or reaction in its audience. It exists only for the sake of existing. Robert Loggia is the only actor that offers any form of life in his character, while the rest of the cast are dry and empty. To say that it is provocative or original is to completely ignore the fact that it makes no sense and to buy in to the false sense of importance it portrays in its non-linear style. I can accept the nihilistic nightmare that is ERASERHEAD, and the drug-induced thrill ride of BLUE VELVET, but I didn't find anything to like whatsoever in LOST HIGHWAY.
Number of views: 1.
Marry, Fuck, or Kill: Fuck. Only to say you did.